Should you write your birth story?
I am a believer in birth stories. I am a believer in celebrating, just as I believe we should allow ourselves to dwell on our experiences and grieve. I am a believer in letting it be how it ‘needs to be’. It isn’t how you do this, there is no set of instructions. It is how you go about processing your own birth experience.
As a birth doula, I have learned the very value of documenting birth stories. They inspire, they make us reflect, they help us process, they encourage, they make us take a step back. They transform us, they make us question, they simply remind us we are human! Birth being an incredibly transformative process, it is intertwined with emotions and intense feelings enveloped with images replaying in our minds like a movie - all the while telling us a story.
If you as the reader did not have an inspiring birth experience, this is where I hear you take a deep breath in. Before you exhale, let me explain. Your story is a chance to celebrate as it is to feel deflated. This is the part where you are required to dig deep and embrace support. It is just as therapeutic to write about it, as it is to rip it up into shreds.
Firstly, treat yourself gently. Revisiting your birth can bring up powerful emotions. Be certain you are in a safe place, with support if needed. Here are some suggestions:
Try not to edit as you write. Let the words flow (and the tears if they accompany) - you are not writing for anyone but yourself. Don’t rush the process, come back to it if you need to.
Don’t focus on trying to remember every single second - there will be moments that are sketchy. Leave it as is, or ask those who were with you to remind you (if you feel you want to) - remember our brains are hardwired to ‘forget’ every single detail of our labour and birth - or otherwise we wouldn’t keep on procreating!
If you were surrounded by candles or aromatherapy oils at your birth, light candles and diffuse the oils you had to help let the feelings resurface. If you had music, play the same music and sit with the feelings that arise. Music and scent are powerful when it comes to memory.
Put together a time line. When labour began, how, where you were, what you were doing. Recall when you left home - how did it feel driving away (if you did), who did you call or text, when you filled up the birth pool etc… who arrived and when, how they supported you….
Write down the moments you felt empowered. Write down the times when you didn’t feel heard. What were your fears? Were you asking for pain relief? Why? What did the contractions feel like? Where were they?(front/back). Do you recall anything funny?
If there were interventions, what were the discussions had before hand? How did you really feel about that decision?
Pain relief measures? What worked, what didn’t?
How long was the second stage? If you had a caesarean, describe how it was getting ready for theatre, the journey to theatre?
What was your reaction when baby was born? Your support people and their reaction?
The first thing you said once baby was born?
The first thing you ate and drank after the birth?
When you first went home? OR, if you had a home birth, what time you settled down to rest? What did you remember in that moment? Were you looking at the stars or the sun rising?
If it brings up feelings of anger, of anxiety and sadness - STOP. Leave it where it is at. Reach out to your LMC, close friend or family member and let them know how you are feeling. It may be that further support is needed.
Recognise if you replay the birth over and over in your mind and it brings up feelings you are not comfortable with. If you are experiencing other symptoms such as crying lots, insomnia or inability to rest, feelings of panic or feelings of anger, disappointment - reach out for support now and don’t wait. There will be support.
Understanding your birth story is part of your growth as a mother, as a parent and as an individual. It stays with you, tucked away until something triggers a memory and in an instant can take you right back into that birth space.
It can resurface again in another pregnancy. To acknowledge the experience for what it was is a huge ask, however, it’s crucial to allow your next birth journey the space it deserves. By that, I don’t mean forget it and move on, it is about acknowledging your experience, receiving help and support when you do reach out, having the right support for the next birth, trust in your healthcare team (let them know your past experience) and establish an environment to help create new memories.
No two experiences are ever exactly the same. Write your story and commend yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the process.
It’s your birth story.
Post Partum Doulas - Our role in Maternity Care
“The birth of a baby represents a profound and permanent life change for the parents and other family members. After nine months of pregnancy the stresses of labour and birth, a family is born or enlarged. For new parents the challenges are numerous; recovery from childbirth, total responsibility for a tiny dependent newborn; sleeplessness; emotional adjustment; mastery of infant feeding and care; understanding of and adjustment to the unique personality of their baby; and household organization. Sometimes the physical or mental health of the new mother or baby is compromised, and the parents need more help at home than they had expected’ (DONA International, 2017). Read full paper here: https://www.dona.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/DONA-Postpartum-Position-Paper-FINAL.pdf
In New Zealand, between Midwife and/or Plunket visits, without support, without family members and with partners returning to work, being at home can feel daunting and at times overwhelming with a newborn. Who can you turn to?
In 2021, with borders closed and families far away, postpartum doulas can be utilised more than ever in helping support parents-to-be and families who are extending and awaiting the arrival of their new baby. Missing their support, or concerned that they can’t be supported due to distance - this is the role a postpartum doula fulfils. Her main focus is to nurture and to support.
Introducing PostPartum (or Post Natal) Doulas. A supportive advisor and helper who is professionally trained to provide postpartum support to the mother and her family.
Where did we begin?
A DONA trained or certified PostPartum Doula undertakes the following before they can assist you in your home:
Become a member and pay an annual fee to remain a member of the organisation
Sign and adhere to DONA International’s Standards of Practice and Code of Ethics
Attend 27 hour PostPartum Doula training
To complete certification:
Complete business webinar
Breastfeeding education
Written essay
Provide references from an antenatal health professional and clients
Some of the topics that are learnt during the DONA International training/workshop:
Role of the PostPartum Doula
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Processing the Birth experience with the client
Commonly experienced postpartum changes in the mother
Breastfeeding (breastmilk composition, positioning & latching, expressing etc)
When baby needs a supplement
Integrating the baby
Safe sleeping
Perinatal mental health
The newborn
Loss & Grief
Required reading (parenting, breastfeeding, baby sleep)
In what circumstances would you consider having a postpartum doula to assist you?
In DONA’s position paper “The PostPartum Doula’s role in Maternity Care” it is stated that “In traditional societies women and men grow up around birth, breastfeeding, infants, and children. After giving birth, women are surrounded by caring family members who have a great deal of experience and wisdom to offer. This kind of help is rarely available to new parents internationally. The doula’s support is intended to fill the gaps left by customary postpartum practices, which usually include only medical procedures, occasional check ups and the purchase of baby related paraphernalia. The doula’s education, quiet support and guidance are a manifestation of the traditional postpartum support that our society is missing” https://www.dona.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/DONA-Postpartum-Position-Paper-FINAL.pdf
We are experienced in supporting families through their postpartum experience and are by no means a replacement for, or intended to replace, the care provided by the lead maternity carer or Plunket nurse. We are there to help support and nurture the new mother and her family. However, we are trained to identify when and how to refer should this be necessary, especially in regards to mental health.
What does a PostPartum Doula do?
Our guiding principles are: NEAR
Nurture: To nurture and support the family, meeting them where they are at, offering non-judgemental advice
Educate: By modelling behaviour and observation, we educate the family and offer options
Assess: Constantly assessing the environment to be able to support and assist where possible
Refer: Providing resources and referrals to families, assisting them to develop skills in order for them to be able to seek out resources and seek referrals when necessary. Always respecting client confidentiality.
We also:
Care for the mother and her family in the first few months following birth providing non-medical support, companionship, to assist with newborn care, meal preparation and household chores.
Offer evidence based information on infant feeding, emotional and physical recovery from childbirth
We don’t:
Educate according to our own individual beliefs or personal experiences
Judge our clients, their family or their friends
Diagnose conditions or perform medical or clinical tasks
Overstep boundaries
We are skilled in:
Teaching baby wearing
Helping with breastfeeding (some Postpartum doula’s have further lactation training - so be sure to ask). If you are bottle feeding we can help support you.
Helping to settle baby, show you how to bath baby
Teach baby cues (e.g. hungry, tired, overtired)
Safe sleep for baby
A listening ear with caring hearts
Ensuring you get a rest and/or an undisturbed shower or bath (bliss)
Helping with siblings!
Each postpartum doula has her individual add on’s or additional services that she may be able to offer you such as:
Teaching Infant massage or may offer postpartum massage
Naturopath/Medical Herbalist/Homeopath/Natural Fertility Educator/Counselling Support
Be sure to ask!
Always check your Postpartum Doula has the training and/or certification credentials, however, you will know the right doula for you when you meet them!