Should you write your birth story?
I am a believer in birth stories. I am a believer in celebrating, just as I believe we should allow ourselves to dwell on our experiences and grieve. I am a believer in letting it be how it ‘needs to be’. It isn’t how you do this, there is no set of instructions. It is how you go about processing your own birth experience.
As a birth doula, I have learned the very value of documenting birth stories. They inspire, they make us reflect, they help us process, they encourage, they make us take a step back. They transform us, they make us question, they simply remind us we are human! Birth being an incredibly transformative process, it is intertwined with emotions and intense feelings enveloped with images replaying in our minds like a movie - all the while telling us a story.
If you as the reader did not have an inspiring birth experience, this is where I hear you take a deep breath in. Before you exhale, let me explain. Your story is a chance to celebrate as it is to feel deflated. This is the part where you are required to dig deep and embrace support. It is just as therapeutic to write about it, as it is to rip it up into shreds.
Firstly, treat yourself gently. Revisiting your birth can bring up powerful emotions. Be certain you are in a safe place, with support if needed. Here are some suggestions:
Try not to edit as you write. Let the words flow (and the tears if they accompany) - you are not writing for anyone but yourself. Don’t rush the process, come back to it if you need to.
Don’t focus on trying to remember every single second - there will be moments that are sketchy. Leave it as is, or ask those who were with you to remind you (if you feel you want to) - remember our brains are hardwired to ‘forget’ every single detail of our labour and birth - or otherwise we wouldn’t keep on procreating!
If you were surrounded by candles or aromatherapy oils at your birth, light candles and diffuse the oils you had to help let the feelings resurface. If you had music, play the same music and sit with the feelings that arise. Music and scent are powerful when it comes to memory.
Put together a time line. When labour began, how, where you were, what you were doing. Recall when you left home - how did it feel driving away (if you did), who did you call or text, when you filled up the birth pool etc… who arrived and when, how they supported you….
Write down the moments you felt empowered. Write down the times when you didn’t feel heard. What were your fears? Were you asking for pain relief? Why? What did the contractions feel like? Where were they?(front/back). Do you recall anything funny?
If there were interventions, what were the discussions had before hand? How did you really feel about that decision?
Pain relief measures? What worked, what didn’t?
How long was the second stage? If you had a caesarean, describe how it was getting ready for theatre, the journey to theatre?
What was your reaction when baby was born? Your support people and their reaction?
The first thing you said once baby was born?
The first thing you ate and drank after the birth?
When you first went home? OR, if you had a home birth, what time you settled down to rest? What did you remember in that moment? Were you looking at the stars or the sun rising?
If it brings up feelings of anger, of anxiety and sadness - STOP. Leave it where it is at. Reach out to your LMC, close friend or family member and let them know how you are feeling. It may be that further support is needed.
Recognise if you replay the birth over and over in your mind and it brings up feelings you are not comfortable with. If you are experiencing other symptoms such as crying lots, insomnia or inability to rest, feelings of panic or feelings of anger, disappointment - reach out for support now and don’t wait. There will be support.
Understanding your birth story is part of your growth as a mother, as a parent and as an individual. It stays with you, tucked away until something triggers a memory and in an instant can take you right back into that birth space.
It can resurface again in another pregnancy. To acknowledge the experience for what it was is a huge ask, however, it’s crucial to allow your next birth journey the space it deserves. By that, I don’t mean forget it and move on, it is about acknowledging your experience, receiving help and support when you do reach out, having the right support for the next birth, trust in your healthcare team (let them know your past experience) and establish an environment to help create new memories.
No two experiences are ever exactly the same. Write your story and commend yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the process.
It’s your birth story.