It's the truth.. Preparing for Birth is like training for a Marathon - If this is true - then why do we just 'hope for the best?'

There are 2 types of people. Those who want to know EVERYTHING about a procedure/event/choosing a degree/or contemplating a career change and those WHO don’t want to know ANYTHING and just hope for the best…… because well, you know, we all like to believe that it all works out in the end!

Which category do you fall in, and have you given thought as to how your birth may feature if placed in either of these categories? Do we really need to prepare?

I say YES. Absolutely. Look at it this way: you know you are on a journey called pregnancy, and you know the destination is your birth. You know where you are heading, but not really sure exactly how you are going to get there. There are so many options which often just leaves you feeling overwhelmed. If you were in your car however, you would set the GPS to your desired destination and rely on it to get you there.

With the GPS, we don’t really need to think too much, but we do need to concentrate and listen for the instructions - or, we will go off course and possibly add time to our journey. We may get lost and possibly feel anxious. Like giving birth, there are moments that require us to think, as well as concentrate, and at times we may need to listen to instructions. Confused?

Think of it like this: Birth and Marathons. Two completely different important life events, yet in so many ways they are alike. There is pain at times, there are the days you are on a high and then there are days when you feel low, you feel like you can’t carry on any longer and then somewhere, somehow, you find the strength. You keep on keeping on.

I haven’t run a marathon, but I do run for an hour a day, 5-6 days a week. Some days I could just keep on going and other days, I “think” I can barely make it past 30 minutes - but I do. Months ago I was only walking. The difference is in I ‘think’ I can’t do it - but deep down I know that I can. Some days I feel like I don’t have the energy, but I still go. There are two of me in my head - one saying “just stop and walk you are tired today” and the other voice saying “nonsense, you can do it, you are just not putting the effort in!”. I find the voice of stopping and walking stronger than the ‘keep going’ voice - YET, seem to listen to the weaker voice as this is the more intuitive one.

Pregnancy. It takes months. Months to grow and nurture your baby. Running a marathon takes months of preparation to gain strength and endurance. When suffering from morning sickness you need to experiment with what helps with your nausea. Training for a marathon means thinking about your food and fuel - experimenting with what works for you. Alike aren’t they?

Comparisons with similar thoughts: Running a marathon and being in labour:

• I’m tired - I haven’t slept properly

• I’m aching and sore

• This is too much, I can’t do this any longer

• Why did I decide to run a marathon? I’m never doing this again! Why did I put myself through this? (labour)/I’m never getting pregnant again!

• I’m thirsty, I feel sick, I feel breathless, I can’t focus

What can we do about these thoughts? How do we make it through labour or completing a marathon?

• Language - Your inner voice will determine your approach to something. What we say to ourselves at any given moment, determines how we feel. When your critical voice appears telling you that you can’t do it, it only highlights your anxiety. Direct your language towards how you want it to play out. Talk to yourself about confidence, enjoying the process, how grateful you feel to give birth/have trained towards your marathon.

• Visualise the best- Imagine yourself having the experience you desire. Don’t picture yourself at the end - picture yourself getting to the end. When we imagine or play out a movie in our mind, we fire up the same neurons in our brain as when we are actually experiencing it. Aren’t we clever?

• Visualise the not-so-good: Imagine yourself coping well in labour, all is going well as it should, BUT, do also allow yourself to imagine what it will be like dealing with unexpected happenings and put your focus on OVERCOMING these. Remove the fear, practice on your breathing and envision all will be well.

• Rename your emotions. Anxiety and excitement can trigger the same physiological response in our bodies. So call your anxiety excitement. Your body will believe your mind!

• It’s all about the process. It is also all about the outcome. Conquering/winning a marathon race involves deep thoughts around performance. Runners have a goal whether it be a time limit or winning the gold medal. The best way to achieve that goal is to focus on what you are doing in that moment. Focus on the process unfolding and not JUST the outcome. This is the only thing you have Control of RIGHT NOW. In any given moment. Whether it be while in labour or running a marathon, focus on your breath, your pace, move your body how it needs to move… ONE moment at a time.

• Find your own way of stomping out those negative thoughts. Anything to get yourself away from your negative internal dialogue playing over and over. Sing, hum, count, shake your hands,……. distract, distract!

• Smile! Look Around! Look Up! Don’t look down when you feel discomfort. We internalise when we focus our gaze downward. We talk to ourselves more. Look up, look around and notice. By looking up or around we tend to go in a light trance - the staring mood as some know it. When you are just staring at nothing for ages for no reason. When we do this, we aren’t so aware of our discomfort. When we are stressed, anxious or feeling pain we have a narrower focus and we instantly focus on those feelings.

I encourage all my mums-to-be to really think, feel and experience how they would like their birth experience to unfold but to keep an open mind to many possibilities. You never know how your birth experience will play out, but one thing is for sure and that is, you will become a mother.

With gratitude, here are the exact words from my friend who has 2 children and run plenty of Marathons when I asked her how the two were alike:

“Ok, so the key word I would choose connecting both childbirth and running a marathon would be 'endurance', I chose that word other than pain as it's a more positive word and when you are undergoing potentially traumatic events, it is endurance and positivity that gets you through. 

With running long distance it is a given that at some stage you are going to experience pain, it's a random guess as to where the pain may start and when (much like giving birth) but when it does, it will be predominantly legs, quads, calves or feet that will feel the pain first. The only way you can be sure to know where the pain will come from is if you have had a previous injury, even then it can still strike in other places, and this can be quite a surprise when it does hit. With childbirth, you also know its going to hurt, but again you are not sure how or even when, but you do know that it will be excruciating when it does, worst part still is that contractions get worse with time, and if that pain isn’t enough you can only imagine how much actually pushing the baby out is going to hurt!

There is a moment in a marathon where absolutely EVERYTHING hurts, not just the muscles, tendons and joints but the mind too. It is at this point (sometimes referred to as hitting the wall) where only endurance, previous training and mind games can get you through the exhaustion and the lactic build up.
Once this pain has hit (around the 30-37km mark) the rest of the race is a blur. Your mind is telling you that you have to finish but your body says no. It's at this point that I have the out of body experience where I can no longer feel the pain but keep going anyway (albeit hobbling at this stage).

It is knowing the end goal that keeps you going. The light at the end of the tunnel, that euphoric feeling that you know will be coming in just a few more kms. 
So you play mind tricks in your head, little games, count downs, anything to get you through. 
Then at the finish line it is a lot like giving birth!! The relief that it's all over, no more pain, (except the pain u already have endured) followed by the reward of the medal (baby).

Oddly enough, even though we know it will hurt again, not many people do just one marathon, they go in to do more to improve their personal best!! Its as if we forget the pain. The same with women, we still go on to have more babies, all because that end goal is priceless”.

Let's talk fertility.........

A topic that needs no introduction, and yet has such a huge impact either for us as individuals, as couples, as families or for our friends and colleagues around us. If not ourselves, then we will know of someone who has had/who is having difficulty conceiving (primary infertility), trouble conceiving another child after already having given birth (secondary infertility) or unexplained infertility. Let’s pause a moment to consider that no matter what ‘category’ someone may fall under, how terribly heartbreaking it must be to try to accept that you may never have a child or may never have another child & the depths of sadness they must be feeling. Can we really imagine?

At 42, I have completed my family long ago. 3 children and we felt we were complete. I write this as we are in lockdown due to COVID-19 in April 2020, and I often think how hard it must be for families home with babies and little ones. I see Facebook posts about the daily grind, the daily wine to make it through and the comments about groundhog day. I laugh. I laugh because I understand how much hard work it can be to raise little ones - and empathise - especially when they can’t even go to the playground. I do wonder however, how many women are reading these posts while scrolling through their daily social media and would still take it all. They would take the lot, just to have their own precious children.

So, let’s talk fertility…….

Fertility Definition:

• The ability to conceive children or young, The quality of being fertile

Infertility Definition:

By definition, Infertility is defined as having tried to conceive for 12 months or more OR having sought medical help to conceive. By the age of 38 years of age, infertility was experienced by 26% of women and 22% of men (https://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/understanding-your-fertility/infertility-explained/).

What are the causes of infertility in females?

• Ovulation - Issues with ovulation or lack of ovulation (annovulation) or irregular ovulation, but not completely absent, is called oligo-ovulation.

• Endometriosis - A common inflammatory condition where the tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (endometrium) is found outside the uterus. This tissue can form lesions, nodules and cysts which are mostly found in the pelvis, ovaries, bowel, ligaments and the bladder.

• PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) - This is a condition which affects a woman's hormone levels. Women with PCOS produce higher-than-normal amounts of male hormones. This hormone imbalance causes irregular menstrual periods, making it harder for them to get pregnant.

• Tubal Problems - Partially or completely blocked or scarring which narrows the tubes

• Recurrent Miscarriage - Recurrent pregnancy loss refers to the occurrence of three or more consecutive losses of clinically recognised pregnancies prior to the 20th week of gestation. 

• Autoimmune Antibody Disorders - e.g. Diabetes, Autoimmune thyroiditis, Systemic lupus erythematosis

What are the causes of infertility in males?

• Retrograde ejaculation - This is when the semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during orgasm, and there is no or very little semen during ejaculation.

• Blocked ducts - Blockages of tubes can be due to repeated infections, swelling or developmental defects, injury or vasectomy. With a blockage, sperm from the testicles can’t leave the body during ejaculation.

• Absence of Vas deferens (Congenital) - Congenital absence of the Vas deferens (CAVD) is a condition in which the Vas deferentia reproductive organs fail to form properly prior to birth. Can be unilateral (CUAVD) or bilateral (CBAVD).

• Failed vasectomy reversal - A vasectomy reversal is considered a ‘failure’ when there is no sperm present in the semen 12 months following the procedure.

• Autoimmune antibody disorder - Antisperm antibodies (ASA) in the male cause an autoimmune disease 'immune infertility'.

• Undescended testes in childhood - Undescended testes (Cryptorchidism) occur when one or both testicles do not reach the scrotum and remain inside the abdomen or groin (inguinal canal). Testes need to be in an environment that is a few degrees cooler than the rest of the body. If a testicle does not descend into the scrotum, the warmer environment inside the abdomen or groin can cause it to develop abnormally. The testicle may fail to grow (atrophy), sperm production may be affected - possibly contributing to a reduction in fertilityhttps://www.southerncross.co.nz/group/medical-library/undescended-testes-cryptorchidism)

• As for females, in males some causes/reasons for infertility are unknown

Understanding fertility language read here

Learn about hormones, ovulation and your menstrual cycle…..it’s fascinating! Click here

Discover how you can: learn, understand and apply the signs of your fertility on a chart with Sympto-Thermal method here and read the facts here

Advice on your journey with infertility:

• Make sure you have plenty of emotional support (and for your partner too) - seek counselling

• Really pay attention to the advice you are given - nutrition, lifestyle suggestions e.g. (supplements), work/life balance, regular exercise, restorative sleep, regular therapeutic massage

• Investigate holistic options and see if this is something you might like to explore (Naturopaths, Medical Herbalists, Acupuncture, Homeopathy) - what works for some may not work for others

• Incorporate Mindfulness. It doesn’t have to be ‘fluffy’. Pay attention to your thoughts - notice your feelings, the thoughts came first!!

• Replace ‘remain hopeful’ with ‘remain positive’

• Remember to enjoy the current while you are planning for the future

When do you seek help?

Heard the phrase ‘my clock is ticking?’ Yes, it is true, fertility does decline with age and is a very important factor to consider. Fertility Associates have a great graph which is very helpful in determining when you should seek help

Fertility/Infertility Support -

• Fertility Associates: https://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/

• Fertility New Zealand: https://www.fertilitynz.org.nz/

• Repromed: https://www.repromed.co.nz/

• Your GP

• Ministry of Health: https://www.health.govt.nz/your-health/certified-providers/fertility

Other Support Services -

• National Women’s Health: https://nationalwomenshealth.adhb.govt.nz/our-services/fertility/support

• Natural Fertility NZ: https://www.naturalfertility.co.nz/

References:

Information retrieved for this blog (with thanks):

https://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/

https://www.southerncross.co.nz/

** Please note I am not a medical doctor, or claim to be one (nor do I play one on TV)… The purpose of my blog is to share information, a little bit of support and share resources with those who read all the way to this disclaimer. PLEASE seek a professional opinion at all times when it comes to your own personal health and wellbeing or the health and wellbeing of others.